This is something of an “interactive post,” folks. If you can bear with my rambling thoughts in the beginning about my birthday and my horoscope and all, eventually I will get to the point of what this post is all about – discovering your own idea of what success means. I do hope you will take a few moments to share your own thoughts on the definition of success in the commentary section!
~ Ocean
Back in October, I celebrated my 51st birthday. It was a rather quiet affair, since I really didn’t have the money or the opportunity to do anything special. Ate a free dinner at a local barbecue restaurant (wasn’t too bad), got a free drink at a local pub I frequent, read my birthday wishes from friends on Facebook (thank you!) Nothing really exciting.
I also took a moment to check my daily horoscope and see what it had to say for my birthday. I confess that while I do believe in astrology, I take these horoscope things with a grain of salt… but I still do find them interesting to read, and there have been times when they’ve been amazingly accurate.
So this is what it had to say for October 25th, my birthday:
Born today, you know what you want, but you don’t always know how to get it — and this can be a source of intense frustration for you throughout your lifetime. It may seem, at times, as though you’ve been left out in the cold, separated from those who are enjoying the success they so desire. Or you may sense that while others were learning valuable life lessons, you were learning things that were completely impractical and could never propel you forward toward your goals. Much of this is mere illusion, however; avoid making such excuses for yourself.
The truth is that you have tremendous talent and tremendous potential — but sometimes lack the drive required to fulfill that potential and reap the greatest benefits from that talent. Only you can remedy this situation, of course; do so, and the world is yours.
I must confess…when I read this birthday horoscope, I ended up crying a little. It describes so accurately how I often feel these days. That sense of frustration that I deserve more than this, that I should be doing more than this, but somehow I’m being left out in the cold. I see others who are happy and successful and doing well, and then I look at myself:
“I’m 51 years old, and what do I have to show for it?”
It just feels like in the last ten years or so my life has taken a downward slide. I haven’t been as successful professionally as I would like – traveling from job to job, and I haven’t even lasted more than a couple of months at some of them. I haven’t found my soul mate, and I’m not doing what I really want to be doing with my life.
As for that feeling of “learning things that are completely impractical” – I often joke around about how it seems I have this knack for learning asinine facts that serve no practical purpose but to win Trivia Pursuit games. As for learning anything that could actually propel me forward towards my goals…
I decided to share my thoughts with some of my close friends, and naturally they all had words of comfort and support. Many of them could identify with how I was feeling and what I am going through.
But it was my friend Quinn who really had an interesting, thought-provoking response for me. She started with wishing me a Happy Birthday, and then reminded me of the wisdom and knowledge I have gathered over the years. The problem is, as she clearly stated… I seem to be struggling with how to use it.
Quinn then went on to ask me a simple, and yet not-so-simple question:
Let’s start with something simple.
Everyone has an idea of what success is.
What is your idea of success? Is it money, friends, a comfortable home? Is it a job you love? I can’t define it for you. But until you know, no one else will.
So let’s start there.
Tell me what success is, and then we can go on to the next step.
Wow.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was struggling with this question. Just what is my definition of success? Do I really not know… or do I just not want to deal with coming up with an answer I can be comfortable with?
I suppose I could take the easy way out and say “all of the above!” Sure, I would like to have enough money so I can go to sleep at night without worrying about the bills. Certainly it’s nice to have friends. I wouldn’t mind having a nice comfortable home, or that dream job that I absolutely adore.
But are these truly my definitions of success?
I admit that I am still pondering this one, folks. It seems that for every idea of what success means to me, I come up with yet another one that seems even better. I guess my definition of success depends on what time of the day you’re asking. Sometimes it’s just as simple as being able to find my damn car keys. Other times it’s as complicated as finding inner peace, and contentment with who and what I am.
But as Quinn says…
“Until you know, no one else will.”
So I’d now like to ask YOU, gentle reader.
What is YOUR idea of success?
How do you define success?
Please share your thoughts below…
I’d really love to know what you think!
Note: Quinn is a Certified Creativity Coach
learn more about her at her website
or her blog
http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/
I encourage you to go check her out
She’s a really cool person, and a great friend. Thanks, Quinn!
This sculpture shows the sign for "connect"...and that is what Deaf Pagan Crossroads is all about - making connections. Connections between Deafhood and Paganism, connections between the Deaf Community and the Hearing Community, connections between myself as the writer and you as the reader. I hope you will take the time to read my various posts, some of which are listed below. Welcome to the Crossroads, and I hope you make some connections here!
Well, now that we’ve started the conversation, let’s explore. Most people have more than one definition of success–and that’s a good thing. It’s rare to have one narrowly defined goal.
In fact, you may have different definitions from day to day. So Ocean, I’ll challenge you to write down your thoughts on success every day for 5 days, then send them to me. I’ll send you back what I notice, and you can tell me if it resonates with you.
And thanks for those nice words about me. That’s certainly part of my definition of success–being recognized by people I value and care about!
Wow, Ocean!
You are right, this isn’t an easy question. I can understand why you struggle with it. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t have a good answer for it myself. It’s like we all WANT success, but we’ve never really stopped to think about what it actually means to us.
Like you, I’m going to have to think about this one some more. It certainly is an important question to answer!
Thanks for posting this…
well im 56, been with wicca for 22 years and have made it through the level of the first twice in two different covens. does that make me a failure. i dont think so. im secure in my faith. so i dont got a lotta fancy dancy degrees. i am a witch. ok theres some more i would like to achieve, but right now i have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly. i work my reiki and i do pretty good, i have helped others, and my self. course ive fudged up a number of times too. i guess success is as you go along the road of life…as you are zipping along, is the distance between the pot holes you hit and what you do after you hit them. sometimes i have gotten up, dusted myself off and went zipping along on my way, other times the hole was a little deeper so i wallowed in it. but here i am still zipping along. the sun shines it rains it gets dark. i guess the point is im still zipping along in spite of the pot holes
I accept your challenge, Quinn. In fact, I have already emailed you my Success Definition #1.
And sorry, readers – I’m not sharing them with you… yet. But somehow I have a feeling that we’re not finished visiting with this topic yet.
Stay tuned!
Wow – great blogpost Osh!
Reading comments from the others… am so glad you have Quinn as your friend and creative coach… what a great title/service!
To me, success is what we say it is. A circumstance such as getting fired can be seen as failure by one person, and be seen as success by another. It is possible to make the choice to see everything in life as a success. I think this inherently means being willing to fail. For me, when I do not resist failure, I become present to the experience of being successful.
hugs,
Brian
Interesting post, Osh. And not an easy question to answer or define.
Most days my idea of success is getting out of bed, standing up straight, and walking without pain. As simple as that sounds (and as tempted as I am to joke about it), it has taken a lot of daily work for me to be able to do that.
Good luck on your search, Osh.
Definitely this is a thought provoking contemplation. Hmmm…will definitely be interested to see what you come up with and I know I am always trying to define success for myself as well. hmmm…
For me? A mix of financial security, recognition, freedom, and creativity.
This is something I have struggled with in trying to figure out where my depression stems from. While mine seems to be mainly chemical (stupid brain), I can get down when I start comparing my life to that of my friends. I’ve married and divorced twice. They have been married 18 and 19 years, with kids, seemingly happy. One married an eye doctor, one married a guy who has worked in the family business the whole time. Me, I have to do it all on my own. They are happy and secure with their Chritianity; me, I constantly try to figure out WHAT I believe. LOL But, I do have food, a house, a good family, a good boyfriend, certain amounts of creativity, and people like me. I have had the same job for 20 years. While I’m not where I pictured myself when I graduated high school 20 years ago, if I don’t compare myself to others, I am successful. I have things I want to do in the future, but right now, I’m content. And contentment is success!
The feeling of success is something I feel kicked off in random moments, often taking me by surprise. it’s synonymous with a sense of contentment, sinking into joy of being in the moment. It comes often when I’m standing somewhere where the vista is superb – I feel glad to be alive, glad to experience no pressure to have anything else happen but simply to be grateful for what the moment is bringing. It’s not really about accomplishment. But I’ve felt it also when I’m doing a group of some sort, and i know that the folks I’m working with are inspired by experiencing an open heart that makes you feel like “you” don’t end at the borders of your body, but extend to everything and everyone around you. It may be the end product of an intense preparation I’ve put into creating something – but just as often comes with that total feeling of merging into the moment for no reason I’ve done anything to create, but just having opened my heart.
As usual, late to the party, but here goes.
Success is learning from our failures and triumphs, and applying the lessons to the endeavors we undertake after each event in our lives.
Even in the worst situations, the worst relationships, the worst jobs, if there’s something new or a lesson learned we can take away from the debacle, then it was worth it. The same is true for successful situations, relationships, and jobs. Just resting on one’s laurels means we’re not growing and changing.
The ability to grow and change is what life is about. Life itself is change. When we stop changing, we die.
These answers show a great variety of experience and a lot of invention, exploration and seeking. It’s true that success can be both in the failing and in the learning.
Success as each of us defines it as a reflection of our values–the things we truly care about. When we work in connection to our values, we become successful. When we go after the things that we THINK we should go after rather than what we KNOW resonates, we won’t feel successful no matter what we do. The job your parents thought you should pursue, the one all your friends were doing to get rich quick and retire at 35, the job you stumbled into our of boredom–they won’t make you successful unless they match what you hold as important in your life.
You may have had a job where you made a good salary, but came to understand that the salary didn’t bring you the kind of wealth you want.
You may have had a job that doesn’t pay well, but satisfies you deeply–and then the money seems to reach.
Sure, there are fabulously wealthy people who are also happy. But for each one of us, success lines up with our values. When we do what we think is important, when we make meaning in life, we are successful.
Success to me, was when I knew I did something people were proud of me… I believe I have always lived for someone to say.. Good Job or I’m proud of you. It probably has to do with some child hood issues being in the shadow of the golden child.
When I think about success now, it makes me think of whatever makes me happy. As long as I’m… happy.. Its all I really want in life. To enjoy it.
But even that doesn’t seem like a real definition of my success. Its something I’ll have to ponder in the future.
I think being a success is not having others say about me “I don’t know how she can sleep at night”. I sleep very well. Husband and I come from families of decent people who would never deliberately hurt others. That’s how I look at success. Money and fame doesn’t come into it for me. It’s a person’s actions and true motives, what’s in their heart. If they practice a good heart with courage(without being a martyr about it!), then I think to myself “that person is managing their life and emotions successfully” and can live proud and brave, and when their time comes, pass on proudly and bravely also without regrets.