Deaf Pagan Crossroads

Time for me to come out with a little confession here, folks…

Not only am I deaf… but yours truly has been identified as having a couple of other “D” diagnosis as well. I have a learning disability… or perhaps even a couple of them.

I’m dyslexic. Or perhaps it’s dyscalculia. The “experts” can’t quite decide… tests show that I appear to carry traits of both, although most of my struggles appear to be more in lines with dyscalculia than dyslexia. I’ve little problem with language – reading, writing, etc. But when it comes to mathematical and technical data – numbers, statistics, mechanical, etc. I’m totally lost.

Ever since my psychologist first suggested that I might have dyslexia/dyscalculia, I have been doing some research on these two disabilities. The information is quite fascinating, although it does appear there are differences of opinion regarding the two. Some people seem to see dyscalculia as merely a form of dyslexia, while others see it as an entirely different diagnosis in and of itself. Whatever the opinion, I definitely do see symptoms of both in myself.

Ever read “Accidental Tourist” by Ann Tyler? She describes what is known as directional dyslexia, and in fact this guy has written an excellent blog on it:

http://scrolling.blogs.com/drmetablog/2006/09/geographical_dy.html

We are not alone, my friends. Directional Dyslexia seems to be more common than people realize, it’s just that most of us never realized it was an actual disorder or had an actual name. I like the name this guy gives for it – dysgeographica. It doesn’t appear to be an official medical term, but it aptly describes the feeling! I remember at a former job it took me a week or two to finally figure out how to get to the office from my house… and I only lived three blocks away. I kept walking out of the house and turning the wrong way on the sidewalk. I still struggle with telling my right from my left, and it’s not made any easier by the fact that I never wear a watch, and stopped wearing a ring on my left hand. And for chrissake, don’t ask me where North is. Wait til dark and then look up in the sky… you’ll have better luck finding it that way.

The hard thing is that directional dyslexia becomes the butt of many a joke, as Dr. Metablog describes. People look at me like I am some sort of weirdo because I can’t remember street names, don’t realize that Interstate Whateverthehellthenumberis is that big highway right up by Home Depot, or that the Post Office is in Eagle Landing Business Complex, not the “bunch of buildings over by that man-made lake with the fountain in the middle and the pretty willow trees.”

Sigh.

As for all the other stuff that goes along with having dysgeographica, dyscalculia, dyslexia or whatever the heck “dys” you wanna call it… let’s not go there, shall we?

Suffice to say that yes – numbers do freak me out on occasion (I have visions of someone making a horror movie where poor innocent me gets stabbed in the shower by a psychotic number Nine); I do have a poor sense of time (what do you mean my five minutes to answer the question are over? I was just warming up!); I still count on my fingers (Goddess help me if I should lose a digit in some horrendous sausage-making accident); the thought of doing my own taxes gives me nightmares (that’s what accountants are for!); and I rely on my good ole ATM receipts to tell me how much I have in my bank account (balancing a checkbook is for nerds, anyway!)

But all joking aside… seriously, this dys-diagnosis is no laughing matter. And it becomes increasingly frustrating as we become ever more increasingly dependent on modern technology. We dyscalculia folks just don’t have it together when it comes to trying to learn all this stuff. It’s not that we are stupid… our brains just aren’t wired that way.

Just trying to figure out how to set up my VideoPhone is enough to make me break out in hives (and call Sorenson begging for an installer, who is coming over later today!) As for that gizmo that sits on my desk (a.k.a. my computer), it took me forever just to learn how to turn the dang thing on and off, and an eternity to figure out how to search the internet and open my email. That I have actually learned how to blog with it is nothing short of a minor miracle. As for vlogging… I’m a little nervous about that. It’s not that I don’t want to try, but the thought of learning how to create those little videos scares me.

Living with Dyscalculia ain’t easy. It can be really frustrating at times. As I mentioned earlier, the biggest challenge is dealing with the attitudes that I get from others, who cannot understand my apparent inability to remember locations or follow directions. Hopefully as more of us talk about such struggles and share our experiences of dealing with such a disability, more people will become more understanding.

Now, can you tell me once again how to get to the post office?