Deaf Pagan Crossroads

It could have been me

But instead it was you

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two

I’ll be a student of life

A singer of songs

A farmer of food

And a righter of wrong

It could have been me

But instead it was you

Well it might be me, dear sisters and brothers

Before we’re through

But if you can live for freedom

Freedom, freedom, freedom

If you can live for freedom I can too

Students in Ohio

Two hundred yards away

Shot down by a aimless fire

One early day in May

Some people cried out angry

“You should have shot more of them down!”

But you can’t bury youth my friend

Youth grows the whole world ‘round

It could have been me

But instead it was you

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two

I’ll be a student of life

A singer of songs

A farmer of food

And a righter of wrong

It could have been me

But instead it was you

Well it might be me, dear sisters and brothers

Before we’re through

But if you can die for freedom

Freedom, freedom, freedom

If you can die for freedom I can too

The junta took the fingers

From Victor Jara’s hands

They said to the gentle poet

“Play your guitar now if you can!”

Well Victor starting singing

Until they shot his body down

You can kill a man, but not a song

When it’s sung the whole world ‘round

It could have been me

But instead it was you

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two

I’ll be a student of life

A singer of songs

A farmer of food

And a righter of wrong

It could have been me

But instead it was you

Well it might be me, dear sisters and brothers

Before we’re through

But if you can sing for freedom

Freedom, freedom, freedom

If you can sing for freedom I can too

A young girl in the jungle

Ten thousand miles away

Studies late into the night

And defends a village by day

Although her skin is golden

Like mine will never be

Her song is heard, I know the words

And I’ll sing it ‘til she’s free

It could have been me

But instead it was you

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two

I’ll be a student of life

A singer of songs

A farmer of food

And a righter of wrong

It could have been me

But instead it was you

Well it might be me, dear sisters and brothers

Before we’re through

But if you can fight for freedom

Freedom, freedom, freedom

If you can fight for freedom I can too

It could have been me

But instead it was you

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two

I’ll be a student of life

A singer of songs

A farmer of food

And a righter of wrong

It could have been me

But instead it was you

Well it might be me, dear sisters and brothers

Before we’re through

But if you believe in freedom

Freedom, freedom, freedom

If you believe in freedom I can too

I can too…I can too

I’ve always loved this song. I first learned of it when I saw Holly perform at a concert in Madison, Wisconsin back in the early 1980’s. Madison was the first place I moved to after I left Gallaudet College, and it was a very instrumental city in shaping me into the person I have become today. It was a rather liberal town in those days, and continues to be to this day…although perhaps not on quite the same level. Back then Madison was teasingly (but not so erroneously) referred to as “an escape from reality.” It’s where I got involved in two things that continue to be a strong part of my identity today – Feminism and Paganism.

Madison had a strong women’s community, and it wasn’t long before I got involved in it. I had moved to Madison as the result of a friendship I had begun with a woman I met at Gallaudet – a woman who was herself a feminist and lesbian, as well as being involved in a Deaf services program at a local mental hospital. She was also a lover of women’s music, and it was through her that I was introduced to the music of individuals like Holly Near, Meg Christian, and others. These women were considered “pioneers” of the Women’s Music Movement, and thirty years later their names and their songs are still fondly remembered.

Holly was always my favorite. She frequently performed with a sign language interpreter, which of course was quite beneficial for me. I always enjoyed watching her in concert (I think I have attended three or four of them over the years.) After attending the first concert, I purchased one of her albums, the one that includes this song. It’s been one of my favorites ever since, although there are several songs of Holly’s that I really like.

Obviously it is a political activist song. I can’t say that I have ever really viewed myself as a strong political activist, although there are certainly causes that I will and do take a stand for. But the stories told through this song are ones that I can identify with, and support.

“Students in Ohio” refers to the students of Kent State who on May 4, 1970 participated in a protest against the Vietnam War, in which four students were killed by members of the National Guard. I’ve always been pretty much anti-war, and I’ve participated in a protest or two myself. It’s not that I don’t support our military, and the brave men and women who put their lives at risk to protect our country – I do. But I don’t support our government’s use of the military. I don’t support the billions of dollars being used to fight wars in other countries when we have plenty of problems right here at home that need such financial support.

Victor Jara was Chilean poet, theater director, songwriter, and a social activist who led a movement in his country for democracy, and an ending of tyranny and dictatorship. When the country was overthrown by a coupe, Victor was seized, tormented and shot to death. I didn’t know anything about him until this song… but I have to admire and applaud his willingness to sacrifice his life for something he believed so strongly in. Could I do the same? I’m not sure. There are things that I do indeed feel very strongly about, but to the point of dying for them? That’s a hard call. Of course, I doubt that Victor himself really wanted to die or even intended to do so – it was his fate to suffer such a consequence for his actions and beliefs. But he knew he was putting his life at risk, and that is admirable. I suppose that while I have no desire to die myself, there are things I would fight to the death to maintain – my proud identity as a Deaf person and everything that represents to me…my freedom to practice my spirituality as I desire…the equal opportunity to achieve my dreams and goals. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The final verse talks about a young woman attempting to maintain her status as a student while engaging in battle at the same time. I’m a big believer in education, but I don’t feel we should have to fight a war for it…so it saddens me to have to think that even today there are women out there who are in fact having to do so. Education shouldn’t have to come at such a high price. I’m not sure if I can say that I do know the words to her song, but I will certainly dance to the music…and I will continue to play the song as long as I know that there are women out there who are not free to study, to learn, to explore all the possibilities.

So let’s examine the chorus here. That’s the part of the song that I truly enjoy…

It could have been me, but instead it was you.

This begs the question…who is “you?” Who does s/he represent to me?

The first thing that comes to mind is my mother, and our mutual battle with cancer (Mom’s being breast cancer, mine being uterine). She lost her battle…I survived mine. I do think about that, although I have become somewhat silent on the whole cancer topic of late. However, I do support cancer causes – I participated as a Deaf representative in the Cancer Parade that took place at Churchill Downs before the running of the Kentucky Oaks in 2011, to honor my mother and all Deaf women who have battled/are battling/died from breast cancer.

When I think of this line in connection to the Deaf Community, I am reminded of a scene from the TV show “Switched At Birth” – in which Marlee Matlin is scolding a student for goofing off in a Deaf Culture class where they are discussing famous Deaf leaders from the past. Marlee tells the student “These Deaf leaders broke open the doors to give us the opportunities we have now. You will not disrespect their achievements by slacking off in my class!”

I loved that scene. I loved the power that it invoked. Whenever I start to feel powerless or start to feel like I can’t do anything, or start to feel oppressed as a result of being Deaf, I remember that scene. I start to think of these people as the “you”…the ones who in spite of all the obstacles, pushed forward and made things happen so that I might be able to succeed in their shadows. I owe them a great debt of gratitude, and I promise not to slack off in their class.

As a Pagan, the “you” makes me think of the thousands of men and women who died in the name of witchcraft during the “Burning Times” – the Inquisition, a time when the witchcraft craze swept through Europe and many lost their lives due to fear, paranoia, greed, revenge, and a lust for power. Interestingly, the majority of those who died during this time were not witches, even if they were accused as such. “Witch” simply became a convenient catch-call term to label someone you didn’t like…

Someone you wanted to get rid of.

Of course, as a modern-day Pagan I bear little resemblance to these individuals who were put to death in these olden times, but I still experience some of what they did – the fear, the ignorance, the misunderstandings, the labels. Even in this modern age, witches are still thought of in outdated ways. I’m still not totally free to come out of the broom closet and declare myself as a Pagan to any and all…although for the most part I am pretty open about my spirituality.

So I’ll keep doing the work you were doing as if I were two…

It’s important to me to remember that every right I have as an individual – as a Woman, as a Deaf person, as a Pagan – was won for me by people fighting hard. There are children being born right now who won’t even have the same rights I do unless I act to maintain and extend the range of equality. The nourishing stew of civilized life doesn’t keep bubbling on its own. It’s up to me to put something back in the cauldron for the people in line behind me.

I’ll be a student of life…

I’m always curious to learn more about what life has to offer…what makes the world go round, what makes people tick. I would love to travel more and experience more. I want to be able to live life with gusto, and enjoy every moment of it. I’ve experienced a lot in my own life and it hasn’t always been pleasant, but I like to think that all those experiences have taught me something…and will continue to teach me until the day I pass on.

A singer of songs…

Okay, maybe not a singer. I fear that if I was to try and sing, I would drive everyone out of the room. But I do like music. I grew up the only deaf child in an all-hearing family, and attending hearing schools until I went to Gallaudet. So music was a part of my life, and it continues to be – although I am not as up-to-date on the latest musical hits. I tend to prefer the “oldies but goodies.” While at Gallaudet, I was part of a performing group that translated songs into sign language. I still enjoy doing that from time to time, but don’t get the opportunity to do so very often any longer. I do find that sometimes I use songs I know to express what I am thinking or what I am feeling.

A farmer of food…

I love gardening. Both sets of grandparents had farms, and I grew up in the country. As a child, we had a garden at our house, and grew our own veggies. There’s nothing better than home-grown tomatoes, green beans and sweet corn. We would pick blackberries from my grandparents farm and make cobbler. Sometimes one of my grandparents would kill a chicken and we would have that for dinner – fried, roasted, or stewed with dumplings. There were fresh eggs, and fresh milk from the cows. My grandmother taught me how to make my own butter. My family also fished a lot and there were lakes at the farm. I grew up on a lot of fried bluegills! My father was a hunter, so sometimes he would bring home squirrel, quail, and other game. So I really did grow up with the concept of either growing or hunting your own food. I do prefer eating fresh food – I rarely eat anything out of a can. When it can’t be fresh, I do frozen. I like to eat local when possible, so I do enjoy farmers markets, where I can buy locally grown produce and other food items. I’m hoping that perhaps this year I can put the garden in the back yard that I want, and grow some of my own stuff – herbs, vegetables and the like.

And a righter of wrong…

I have been an advocate for most of my adult life. Much of my advocacy efforts have been in the area of deafness, but I have also advocated for women’s rights, gay rights, religious freedom, anti-violence, ending war, animal rights, environmentalism, and other issues that I believe in. I feel it is important that if you object to something, you need to speak up and do something about it. We can’t just sit back and let things happen without trying to make some kind of changes. If nothing else, we can educate and try to replace ignorance with knowledge.

As Witches and Pagans, we can use all of our magickal skills to dig into the world and push it into better shape. We can try to clean the air and the water. We can try to make the justice system work. We can bring the day a little closer when the rich and privileged have to live by the same standards as the poor and outcast. We can try to stop the next war now, BEFORE it starts, to keep old men from sending children away to die.

I won’t promise that we can right every wrong in this world, but we might at least be able to make enough changes to allow ourselves to bask in the feeling that all in all, things do seem to be moving in the right direction.

But if you can live/die/sing/fight for freedom, I can too…

That’s what it boils down to, isn’t it? Freedom is a nice thing, but it comes with certain responsibilities…the biggest one being an obligation to help maintain it. That doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice our lives for it – although there are people who risk and do such on a daily basis. It does mean that we need to remember to never just take it for granted, and to do what what we can to extend those freedoms to others who desire it.

But if you believe in freedom, I can too. 

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