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I first read this poem many years ago, when I was a recent college graduate just beginning my venture into the “real world.” I loved it then, and I copied it into the journal I was keeping at the time. Shortly afterwards, I met the man who was to become my first true love. I remember reading this poem to him one night, after we’d been having an especially heavy talk about our relationship and where it was going. I then got up to take a shower and prepare for bed. When I came into the bedroom, he had opened all the drawers to my dresser – his silent way of trying to say “I’m sorry.” I was so touched by such a gesture. 

Sadly, our relationship did not last – we went our own ways, while remaining friends. Over the years we lost contact with one another, and not too long ago I learned that he had passed on from a heart attack. I’m sorry that we never got a chance to see each other again, but I cherish the memories of our time together. 

Relationships will come and go. People will enter my life – some fleetingly, others enduringly. Each of them will leave their own special impact…sometimes good, sometimes not-so-good.

But regardless, they each get their own drawer.

~ Ocean

I will present to you

parts

of
 my
self

slowly

if you are patient and tender.

I will open drawers

that mostly stay closed

library-card-catalogs

and bring out places

and people

and things

sounds and smells,

loves and frustrations,

hopes and sadnesses,

bits and pieces

of the decades of life

that have been grabbed off

in chunks

and found lying in my hands.

hands

They have eaten
 their way into my memory,

carved their way into
 my heart.

All together

they are me.

If you regard them lightly,

deny that they are important

or worse,

judge them

I will quietly,

slowly,

begin to wrap them up,

in small pieces of velvet,

like worn silver and gold jewelry,

jewelry box

tuck them away

in a small wooden chest of drawers

and close.

John T. Wood, 1974

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I’m making use of the social network to help keep in touch with my Crossroads readers…

I now have a page on Facebook!

I will be using this page to post links to current and past posts here at Deaf Pagan Crossroads, and also to share some of my thoughts, news, information, etc. that might not make it into a post here at the blog.

My Facebook page will be a place for people to come and share some of their own thoughts, and to discuss relevant topics about what it means to be Deaf or to be Pagan or to be a combination of both.

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So feel free to hop on over to Facebook and “like” my new Facebook page, which you can find here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ocean/419307121489151?ref=hl

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On Monday, February 4th, a documentary will debut on HBO that takes a hard look at a sensitive subject – the issue of sexual abuse within the Catholic Church.

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“Mea Maxima Culpa – Silence In the House of God” is a documentary produced and directed by Oscar winner Alex Gibney, exposing the widespread abuse of power in the Catholic Church.

Mea culpa is a Latin phrase that translates into English as “my mistake” or “my fault”. To emphasize the message, the adjective “maxima” may be inserted, resulting in mea maxima culpa, which would translate as “my most [grievous] fault.”

Indeed, the sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests stands as a most serious mistake, for which the Church has received serious criticism.

Now Alex Gibney, the founder and creative force behind Jigsaw Productions, takes an unflinching look at this subject as he investigates the secret crimes of Father Lawrence Murphy, a charismatic Milwaukee priest who abused more than 200 Deaf children in a school under his control. The film documents the first known public protest against clerical sex abuse in the U.S., which led to a case that spanned three decades and ultimately resulted in a lawsuit against the pontiff himself. The investigation helped uncover documents from the secret Vatican archives that show the Pope, who must operate within the mysterious rules of the Roman Curia, as both responsible and helpless in the face of evil.

At the heart of the film is a small group of heroes – Terry Kohut, Gary Smith, Arthur Budzinksi and Bob Bolger. These four Deaf men set out to expose the priest who had abused them, and sought to protect other children by making their voices heard. Gibney uses the voices of actors Chris Cooper, Ethan Hawke, Jamey Sheridan and John Slattery to tell the stories of men abused by Murphy. However, it is the faces and expressions of the courageous Deaf individuals that illustrate the indelible effect Murphy continues to have on their lives.

In addition to the Murphy case, MEA MAXIMA CULPA: SILENCE IN THE HOUSE OF GOD spotlights similar sex abuse cases in Ireland and Italy, and highlights the horrific actions of Marcial Maciel Degollado, a prominent church fundraiser and ruthless sex criminal beloved by Pope John Paul II. The film also reveals that in 2001, Cardinal Ratzinger – now His Holiness, Benedict the 16th – ordered that every sex abuse case involving a minor come through his desk, essentially establishing him as the most knowledgeable person in the world regarding priestly sexual abuse of minors.

Working in association with HBO Documentary Films, Gibney now brings this story to cable network television.

The film premiered at the 2012 Toronto International Film Festival last September, and then opened to limited release in November. Reviews of the film by critics have been mostly positive, with The New York Times particularly praising the way the way the interviews of the victims were shot:

Mr. Gibney films them against dark backgrounds with soft indirect light, which emphasizes the expressivity of their faces and hands, and will remind hearing viewers of the richness and eloquence of American Sign Language.

Well known film critic Roger Ebert has also weighed in with his own views about the film on a personal level, stating

To someone who was raised and educated in the Catholic school system, as I was, a film like this inspires shock and outrage.

Ebert goes on to state that he found the film to be “calm and steady, founded largely on the testimony of Murphy’s victims.”

Undoubtedly this will be a difficult and painful movie to watch, about a highly charged subject. However, Gibney does not directly “attack” the Church, as much as he questions its organization, and the way it has handled sexual abuse cases. A master storyteller, he finds just the right balance between interviews and reenactment to tell the story in a manner that most viewers will find to be a revelation.

This documentary will be shown on several different days and times through-out the month of February on HBO. For more information, check out your local HBO listings.

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As we prepare for the Sabbat of Imbolc which many of us will be celebrating this weekend, I am repeating this post from last year. It has become one of my favorite rituals – a beautiful merger of my spirituality as a Pagan with my identity as a Deaf person. I hope you enjoy it as well. 

~ Ocean 

Recently I have begun corresponding with a Deaf family who has been studying about Paganism and undertaking their own spiritual journey down the Pagan Path. Both the wife and husband are Deaf, and they have three Deaf children. Together, the family has begun celebrating the Wheel of the Year and eight Sabbats.

I recently shared with the family information about Imbolc, and a ritual that I have used a number of times for celebrating this Sabbat. The ritual is known as the Seven Candles of Life ritual, and it is based upon teachings from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot, by Caitlin Matthews. In her book, Caitlin talks about these seven candles.

Each of these candles is illuminated by three spirits. Those three spirits help to represent the meaning of that candle, and they are also archetypes from the Wisdom Cards of the Celtic Wisdom Tarot. The Wisdom Cards correspond to cards of the Major Arcana in traditional tarot decks.

The Seven Candles of Life represent the seven qualities that are important in the overall circle of life. They are the foundation for the wisdom that we consider very important as a part of the practice of our spirituality. However, the wisdom can be shared with anyone and everyone, regardless of their own spiritual path.

On Imbolc at the beginning of February, I like to light the Candles of Life as a way of celebrating the growing light of the new year, and the new life that will soon begin with the coming of Spring. It’s a good time for making pledges and for renewing my strength after resting all Winter.

Each of the Seven Candles has its own wisdom – its own lessons to teach us. Each candle is brightened by the presence of three spirits – three being a magickal number.  As we light each candle, we call upon those spirits to be with us, and to give to us of their strength, their knowledge, their guidance, and their love.

The Seven Candles are:

The Candle of Will: This candle is brightened by the Three Unfailing Ones who uphold the universe: The Decider – whose poetry never ends; The Empowerer – whose deeds never fail; The Challenger – whose questions never stop

The Candle of Truth: This candle is brightened by the Three Sparks of Wisdom: The Guardian – who protects the hidden truth; The Counselor – who blesses the revealed truth; The Changer – who shows the facts of every truth

The Candle of Growth: This candle is brightened by the Awakeners of Destiny who plant the seeds of life: The Shaper – who shapes the seeds into the mighty trees they become; The Spinner – who scatters the seeds into the winds that they may travel everywhere; The Dreamer – who cares for the seeds in the womb of the dark earth

The Candle of Harmony: This candle is brightened by the Fathomless Ones who maintain the order of the universe: The Keeper – who provides never-ending structure and leadership; The Balancer  – who keeps everything in proper balance; The Imaginer – who keeps the dreams of peace and unity alive for all

The Candle of Lore: This candle is brightened by the Turners of the Wheel who keep the memories of the ancient stories and histories: The Recaller – who remembers and tells the stories of our ancestors; The Dedicator – who honors those stories by continuing the traditions today; The Protector – who honors the ancestors who have passed beyond this world

The Candle of Devotion: This candle is brightened by the Three True Changers who renew love throughout the world: The Lover – who keeps the flames of the Soul’s desires burning brightly; The Liberator – who removes fear and negativity from the Soul and sets it free; The Renewer – who celebrates the transformation of the Soul and its goodness

The Candle of Energy: This candle is brightened by the Keepers of the Soul, who give it all the special gifts to make it truly beautiful: The Dancer – who motivates the Soul to move with the rhythm of the universe; The Artist – who shows the Soul the true beauty of the universe; The Healer – who brings the Soul home to its special place in the universe  

My friend decided to create her own version of this ritual to recognize and honor the Deaf Community and to ask for blessings for Deaf Children everywhere. She and her family (and especially her own Deaf children) will light the candles at their own ritual and say these prayers to the spirits, sending their energy out into the universe for all. She shared with me the script for her ritual, and I felt it so beautiful that I had to share it here at the Crossroads.

THE SEVEN CANDLES OF LIFE FROM A DEAF PERSPECTIVE 

A Deaf Family’s Celebration of Imbolc 

As we light the candle of Will, we honor the spirit of the Decider who reminds us always of the beauty of ASL and its true magic in bringing language and communcation to all Deaf children. We honor the Empowerer, and ask it for the strength to always empower others to continue advocating for the use of ASL with Deaf babies. We honor the Challenger as we continue to always question those who try to make decisions on behalf of Deaf people without asking our input.

As we light the candle of Truth, we honor the spirit of the Guardian and ask it to be with us to protect the hidden truth that we know inside us all – that ASL is the language for us. We honor the spirit of the Counselor who blesses the revealed truth, and we appreciate the researchers who worked for many hours showing that our ASL is a true language.We honor the spirit of the Changer and ask it to be with us to show the faces of every truth; we are the changer in the world by using ASL, embracing our Deaf culture and loving our Deafhood jouney.

As we light the candle of Growth, we honor the spirit of the Shaper who shapes the seeds into the mighty trees they become; we must always be thankful for our Deaf people in our history – those who fought for our human rights (Veditz, Clerc, and others). We honor the spirit of the Spinner who scatters the seeds into the winds that they may travel everywhere; we honor the Deaf people who made other Deaf people visible (Deaf Nation, Deaf organizations, Deaf artist – Chuck Baird, and many more). We honor the spirit of the Dreamer who cares for the seeds in the womb of the dark earth; Deaf babies being born on this earth everyday will be the Deaf people in humankind.

As we light the candle of Harmony, we honor the spirit of the Keeper who provides never-ending structure and leadership; Deaf schools which advocate the bilingual education for their students require the wisdom of the Keeper. We honor the spirit of the Balancer who keeps everything in proper balance. We honor the spirit of the Imaginer who keeps the dreams of peace and unity alive for all; we must keep our dreams in our Deaf schools and of future Deaf leaders, individuals and the future Deaf Community.

As we light the candle of Lore, we honor the spirit of the Recaller who remembers and tells stories of our ancestors in the Deaf community; their stories now being written and recorded on videos must be preserved forever. We honor the spirit of the Dedicator who honors those stories by continuing the traditions today; we honor the many Deaf people who dedicate their time with non-signing people ~ (to my kids – your dad teaches ASL to many many hearing students every year). We honor the spirit of the Protector who serves the ancestors that have passed beyond this world; we remember the Deaf people who struggled and made differences for us today.

As we light the candle of Devotion, we honor the spirit of the Lover who keeps the flames of the Soul’s desires burning brightly; the people who share their learnings in worthy books i.e. In Search of Deafhood; and we honor the love that we all share for our precious language of ASL and our Deaf Community. We honor the spirit of the Liberator who removes fear and negativity from the Soul and set it free; the fear and negativity that people have about ASL and Deaf people, the fear hearing parents have when they discover that their baby is deaf. We honor the spirit of the Renewer who celebrates the transformation of the Soul and its goodness; who renews the parents’ hope and belief that their children can and will succeed when they start learning ASL and attending programs for Deaf children, the transformation that happens when society discovers that Deaf people can indeed do anything and be anything they desire.

As we light the candle of Energy, we honor the spirit of the Dancer who motivates the Soul to move with the rhythm of the universe; and we celebrate the spirit that moves within each of us and brings us together to dance in our own Deaf Revolution as we continue to advocate for our own special place within the Circle of Life. We honor the spirit of the Artist who shows the Soul the true beauty of the universe; the beauty of our language and our culture, and how it is reflected in such works as Chuck Baird, Bernard Bragg, the National Theater of the Deaf, Marlee Matlin, Andre Pellerin, Beethoven’s Nightmare, Douglas Tilden, etc.  We honor the spirit of the Healer who brings the Soul home to its special places in the universe, and we remember each and every one of us in the Deaf Community, and our role and responsibility to continue being the healers and bringing the souls of Deaf children into our community, that they might find a place to call home.


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