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Archive for September, 2011

Putting Down Roots

Posted in Archives #3 A Deaf Pagan Shares, Beasts and Animals, Deaf/Hearing Relations, Deaf/Pagan Relations, Eco-Psychology, Empowerment, Nature, Paganism, Spirituality, Universal Issues, Women on Thursday September 29 2011 | 3 Comments »

Earlier this year I wrote a post here at the Crossroads about “year words”…words which set the theme for what your year is going to be, what your focus will be.

I chose the word “roots.” To me it felt like the proper word, since I was beginning a journey in 2011 to explore my own roots and what they mean to me.

The word “roots” conjures up many meanings, amongst them being the

* A primary source; an origin

* A progenitor or ancestor from which a person or family is descended

* The condition of being settled and of belonging to a particular place or society

* The state of having or establishing an indigenous relationship with or a personal affinity for a particular culture, society, or environment

The above meanings especially resonate with me, as it seems this has been an important theme for me this year. After traipsing around the country for much of my adult life, living in 12 different states over the past 36 years, I’ve finally come home to my own roots…settling down on the banks of the Ohio River not far from where I was born and raised. I’m a native Hoosier from Southern Indiana, and I now live just on the other side of the river in Kentucky – a state I visited frequently as a child, and have always loved.

And now I’m putting down roots here in this area…

I’ve just bought my first house.

It’s a little place, just two bedrooms and one bathroom. But it’s the perfect size for this single gal and her two cats. It’s got a fireplace and wood floors. There’s a finished basement which I will make into a TV room with two Laze-Z-Boy recliners I inherited from my mother.

It also has a garage for my SUV, and a nice good-sized yard with plenty of space to grow my own herbs and veggies. In the front there’s a nice covered porch, the perfect place to hang up a porch swing and perhaps put a rocker or two – where I can invite my friends to come and sit for a spell, hand them a big glass of homemade lemonade, and watch the world go by.

I just closed on the house about two weeks ago, and I’m still in the process of moving things in. I’ve bought some antique furniture for my bedroom, and a sofa and chair for the living room – which will get covered in the new slipcovers I found at Overstock. Yeah, it’s going to take a bit of maneuvering to get everything to fit in its place…like I said, it is a small house.

But when it’s all done it will be comfy and cozy. A cute little cottage done up in a “funky, eclectic, Pagan-inspired Shabby Chic” theme.

And it will be all mine.

Okay…Karma and Gandalf may insist that it’s actually theirs, and I just bought it for them. Cats can be funny that way.

I will be all moved in by the middle of October. Then hopefully I can start inviting friends to come visit. There is a guest bedroom. If you’re in the area, feel free to stop by.

It feels good to have a house of my own.

My own roots.

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Helping vs. Controlling

Posted in Archives #3 A Deaf Pagan Shares, Archives #4 Pagan Thoughts and Writings, Deaf/Hearing Relations, Deaf/Pagan Relations, Empowerment, Ethics, Interpreting, Paganism, Spirituality, Universal Issues, witchcraft, Women, Women's Spirituality on Wednesday September 14 2011 | 3 Comments »

Continuing my theme of “help”… I now discuss the issue of helping someone as opposed to just taking over and controlling everything for them. This is a subject that many deaf and hard of hearing people know all too well – “do-gooders” who might have the best of intentions and who truly believe they are helping…but in reality are doing more harm than good. Many of us have horror stories we could share of such situations – the interpreter who interjects her opinions and gives you advice you were not requesting (and isn’t her role to be giving in the first place); the tutor who rather than help you with your English, insists on writing your paper for you; the social worker who takes care of all your problems instead of teaching you how to resolve them yourself. 

Of course, this issue is not limited strictly to deaf/hearing interactions. People in general have issues with the concept of help, as opposed to control. This can happen regardless of whether you are deaf, hearing, male, female, young, old, etc.

What’s important is to remember that helping is about empowering others, it’s not about doing for them. 

In any case, read on…

Okay. We’ve discussed the concept of helping.

You are going to politely offer your help, and wait until the other person accepts it before you do anything.

But they did accept your help. They wanted your help.

So now what do you do?

Very simple…you do what they ask you to do.

Nothing more and nothing less.

How many of you have known a person who was always eager to “help” – who constantly offered to help. S/he wasn’t always pushy about it…but just kept constantly asking, bringing it up over and over again, frequently offering.

But you were always nervous to accept that help, because you knew that if you said “Yes,” this person would think that meant they could take over and take control of everything?

I’m sure you know the type…this person immediately swoops down, totally ignores you and what you are saying, doesn’t pay any attention when you try to explain what it is you want, and then goes ahead and does the whole thing themselves (with maybe a little assistance from you), treating the whole project as if it was their own, and finishing the whole job themselves.

Then to add insult to injury, they expect you to admire their work, and tell them you could have never done it without their assistance.

And of course, they take credit for it as well.

Never mind that it was your project, and you were simply asking for a little help.

Never mind that you were looking forward to doing the project yourself (with a little bit of help!)….Never mind that you probably could have done it yourself.

It really wouldn’t have been all that hard, and then when it was finished, you would have had what you wanted, not what this “friend” thought you wanted.

You asked for help, and by Goddess, you’re gonna get it!

The problem is…you weren’t expecting this person to build the bookshelf for you. All you wanted were directions on how to use the belt sander.

Do you see where I’m coming from, Gentle Reader?

An offer to help should be an offer to be a consultant or an employee, not a boss.

If someone really asks you to just take over, because they are completely out of their depth, or need to go do something else…

Then, and only then…is it OK to treat it like your project.

And once you do offer and such offer is accepted, you should be the best consultant or employee that you can be.

If what they need is information, then give them the information they asked for as completely as you can.

Don’t ignore their request for directions on how to use the belt sander and tell them about the orbital sander instead.

If you think they are about to make a mistake, it is perfectly alright to say “I’ll tell you about the belt sander if you really want me to, but I am thinking that perhaps the orbital sander would do a better job on that bookshelf, because if I understood you correctly, you don’t want to sand the veneer completely off, you just want to smooth it, right?”

This will give them a chance to either ask you why the belt sander will take the veneer off, inquire what you mean by veneer, or tell you that, as a matter of fact, they hate this veneer and it’s gotta go!

Don’t make the choices and decisions for them. Give them the advantage of your experience, but let them use it or ignore it as they will.

It’s their life.

They are the ones who will be living with the results of their decisions.

Special thanks to Robin Wood – Pagan leader, author, artist, and teacher extraordinaire - whose writings on ethics (including her excellent book on the subject – “When, Why…If”) have played a key role in helping me to develop my own understanding of living an ethical life.

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The Ethics of Helping

Posted in Archives #4 Pagan Thoughts and Writings, Empowerment, Paganism, Spirituality on Monday September 12 2011 | Leave a Comment »

This post first appeared at the Crossroads over four years ago. I thought it was time to dust it off and repost it, especially since I and others have been dealing with the issue of “helpful(?)” people lately…

In response to some of the blogs and vlogs posted on DeafRead and elsewhere lately that have focused on the topic of helping others, Ocean shares a bit from some of the lessons on ethics which she has studied and teaches to others. Perhaps this will give you some food for thought on what “help” actually means, and how we can go about helping others in the proper way…

lending-a-hand.jpg

photo by night nurse  

Everyone wants to help others… that’s natural. You see someone struggling with something you know you could easily do, and your first reaction is probably the desire to go over and offer to give them a hand.

But the important thing to remember is this – offer first. And if your offer is refused, then stand aside and let the person do it himself.

This doesn’t mean that you have to walk out of the room. It’s perfectly OK to say “that’s fine…if you change your mind and do want my help, just give me a holler.”

It’s not perfectly OK to breath down their necks, or point things out over their shoulders, or keep nagging them to accept your help.

It’s flat wrong to take it from them and do it for them.

It’s just plain stupid to take it from them, do it for them, and then expect them to be grateful to you!

You see, my friend…people like to do things themselves.

At a very deep level, everyone realizes that doing stuff for themselves is part of the growing process. That without that sort of hands on manipulation, they will not learn the lesson they need to learn. There is also a great drive to be independent; to be able to take care of themselves. Not to mention that doing something yourself is the only way to be sure it will be done the way you want it done.

Some of us are taught to wait patiently and let our parents show us many times, so they are sure that we will never make a mistake. We become afraid of trying until we are sure that we can succeed.

Some of us are basically ignored, and learn that we are completely on our own. We are shocked if someone offers to help, and don’t have the slightest idea what to do with the offer. Asking for either permission or guidance is totally foreign to us.

Some of us are never allowed to try our own hands at all. We become used to having things done for us, and tend to just stand there looking blankly at the tools if we are expected to do something ourselves.

Some of us are given the chance to try as soon as we want it, and encouraged whether we succeed or fail. We tend to look at life as a series of challenges, and we enjoy challenges.

These are just a few of the ways that we have been taught to react to help, and don’t take into account the differences in personalities that we were born with.

The point is, people have different reactions to offers of help, and want different amounts of it.

Here, as in everything else, you must let the other person tell you what they want and need. Look at it from their point of view. Allow them to grow at their own pace.

The most important thing is not to take over for them, not to do anything for them unless they ask you to.

If you do, you aren’t helping at all. You are butting in.

It’s not polite.

It’s not responsible.

And it’s not your job.

Special thanks to Robin Wood – Pagan leader, author, artist, and teacher extraordinaire - whose writings on ethics (including her excellent book on the subject – “When, Why…If”) have played a key role in helping me to develop my own understanding of living an ethical life.

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September 11th Healing Ritual

Posted in Archives #4 Pagan Thoughts and Writings, Deaf/Pagan Relations, Healing, Magick, Paganism, Ritual, Spirituality on Friday September 9 2011 | Leave a Comment »

This is the ritual that Ocean and the Clan conducted in September of 2001, shortly after the events of September 11th, as our special healing for ourselves, for the victims of these horrendous attacks, and for the world itself…

Carrying a long, white taper in a silver spiral candlestick, Michelle steps forward to the altar, turns to face the Clan, and places the unlit candle at her feet. With a silent gesture, she beckons to the Clan, who step up to the Vigil Altar and claim their own candles for use in this special Candlelight Vigil ceremony. In the distance, to the west of the circle, in the land of the setting sun, can be seen bagpipers, dressed in their kilts, their instruments resting against their shoulders, as they prepare to play their own musical tributes to those whose lives we remember tonight.

Ede steps forward and places a special memorial item of reflection in the middle of the circle. Facing the clan, in sign and voice she explains to all:

I bring a fireman’s hat- it was my uncle’s hat and has special meaning for me, as well as being a good symbol of those lost in the line of duty.

Once the circle has been re-established, both speaking and signing, Michelle addresses the Clan:

Tonight, we have gathered here for both sorrow and joy, for death and life, to grieve and to rejoice. This was meant to be a time of celebration, but now, even in the face of tragedy, the need to celebrate is even greater than before. We have seen the response of good people since this crisis began, of people who have given wholeheartedly to bringing sanity back to the world. Prayers, money, blood, clothes, and most of all, hope and compassion have been given freely. Now, as a Clan, we will give in our own way tonight. With the blessings of the Lord, the Lady, and the Spirit that resides within us all, we will give the gift of magic to the world.

Pointing to the candle at her feet, Michelle continues:

Our gift cannot be touched, cannot be felt by mortal hands, but it can be sensed, by the heart and by the soul. Tonight, together, we will use the power of the five elements to send healing into the world…

The candles are the earth, that which will be consumed to send our thoughts of healing.

The flames are the fire, purifying and bright, bearing our thoughts and prayers to the Goddess and God.

The breath of our voices, the wind through our hands, they are the air, carrying on the four winds our prayers and magic to those in need.

Our tears are the water, cooling and soothing balm for our pain and the pain of others.

And our thoughts, our prayers, they are the spirit, infusing something of ourselves into our work, that the world might feel it.

Michelle picks up her candle and lights it from the Sacred Flame, holding it up to the darkening sky, then steps forward towards the Clan as one by one, people light their candle from hers, then from each other’s. Some of the candles are as described:

Wolf Wind ~ a blue globe which shines from within, decorated with stars, moons, and a sun.

MoonPearl~ a 3 x 5 evergreen pine pillar on a round clear crystal holder

Ocean ~ a large blue pillar candle, embedded with seashells, resting on a white antique china plate

SpiritWolf~ a spiral taper of deep violet and gold

Cailleach ~ a white taper candle

Denise ~ a small narrow handmade taper the color of heavy cream, made from the wax of bees.

ShadowRaven ~ a beeswax candle, with green and blue ribbons tied to the bottom; the ribbons hanging down from it.

Rylah ~ a molded, heavy taper beeswax candle, with flowers and bees painted all over it and red, white and blue ribbon tied to the bottom with the ends hanging down.

Luna ~ a purple pillar candle, which when burning, the wax runs down the sides in a lighter shade of lavender.

Ede~ a candle of a square shape – made at home in a milk carton, it is mostly white, with spots of other colors in it. It is placed on a metal plate.

Terra Nova ~ a yellow and blue candle carved with symbols of the sky.

When all of the candles are lit, as one, the Clan forms a circle, the candlelight shining on faces marked by tears. The Clan then turns to face outward, takes one step forward, places the candles in a circle on the ground, then step back and turns to face each other again. In the background the bagpipers play a soft, mournful melody. Even the Deaf members of the Clan respond to the tune, for these are sounds not heard with the ears, but rather, felt with the heart.

All join hands, bow heads, and pray, magic flowing through them, down into the earth, up into the sky, and most of all, through one another. Some members of the Clan prefer to pray silently, while others offer up their prayers in sign and/or voice:

SpiritWolf ~

We have seen great tragedy in the past weeks. This is a time when day and night are equal, a time of balance. Let us look back upon the losses and all we have endured and see not endings but the eternal beginnings in the cycle of life. Let us look forward to what can be gained, to peace and understanding among all people. It is my prayer that all of us and all those outside of our clan be blessed with all of the balance of the Path on this day and the difficult days to come.

 

Wolf Wind ~

 

In darkness one finds hope. As Arthur will return, so we shall rise from the darkness and light our way again.

 

ShadowRaven ~

(places a special memorial offering on the Vigil Altar)

My memorial offering is a tapestry woven with hand dyed, hand spun yarns… it is a depiction of a plume helmeted Athena. She stands with a shield decorated with a Shuttle and Spindle, and an unsheathed sword. She has an Owl sitting on her shoulder, and she is flanked on the Left with Baast and on the Right with Anubis…. on the upper Right is a bowl filled with fire, and on the upper Left, is a dove. This tapestry shall hang as a reminder not only of the tragedies we experienced this month, but also of the strength and wisdom that allows us to endure and carry on.

 

“May the Divine give all of us the strength to endure
To heal and to move forward
in Love and in Balance.
May we heal in our hearts, minds and souls.
Thank You for giving us the promise of bounty as
a promise of Your constant Presence and Support.”

 

Rylah ~

(places a homemade Sweet Grass braid on the altar)

 

The Native American Shamans used Sweet Grass to cleanse their spirits and the energies around them, I offer this braid as a symbol of my desire to see all spirits cleansed of sorrow, pain, grieving, anger, vengeance and ask the Divine Ones to recharge us all with the energies of healing, comfort, peace, harmony, and understanding.

 

Cailleach ~

 

Spirits of Earth and Humanity,
I want to describe to you what I’ve seen
yet no words can do
I’m sure you have heard our cries as
you live through us as as we through you

After my reaction of shock and horror,
Hearing no replies to my question “WHY”
I became filled with white hot rage
at those responsible for those actions
I wanted to destroy
Then a cold realization came over me,
I was thinking like them
I have become one of them
A sense of remorse entered me
for I saw the cycle of violence
How can I walk away from this?

Everyone has their own beliefs
Some are with such strong, unwavering
convictions and beliefs
Some Mormons believe it’s okay
to marry their very young niece
Some Southerners believe
segregation or slavery should still exist
Some Christians believe
discrimination based on
gender, race, religion,
sexual orientation, ethnic
Some believe it’s okay to kill

Having beliefs are one thing, but
acting out on your beliefs is another thing.
For this is my creed –
You are judged not by what you believe,
You are judged by how you treat others.

People, you and I, are entitled to our beliefs.
It is okay to hate.
Hate is a natural emotion.
It shows we are human
It is part of who we are
But we should not act out on those feelings
We cannot afford to have this emotion consume us
For It brings out the worst in us
and in humanity
For some, this hate becomes irrational
and destroys, for what reasons they chose

A popular cheerleader killed by a plain ordinary classmate
Couple of teenage boys on a rampage in a school library
A woman stabbed several times by her ex-husband
Thousands of Innocent Lives taken away by the
Flying Swords of Death

Grappling with reasoning for this horrific action
trying to understand and yet
not wanting to put myself in their place
How can I walk away from this?

I am comforted by the thought
what goes around comes around
once was the sword of death becomes
the Sword of Justice

(I unsheathe my sword)

It is my hope that the bearers of the Sword
do not lose sight of the humanity it beholds
and use it Wisely

(I put away my sword and place it on the Vigil Altar)

Maybe Justice won’t come from Mortal Beings,
Where in the rolling fields of the great plains and
the lush green forest,
the cries of humanity fall silently
Then by the Heavens and the Underworld
the Stars and the Moon
the Sun and the beautiful blue planet we call home
Amid the madness and chaos, so fleeting
Justice Will Prevail

And We will say again, if anyone asks us
“How are you doing?”
The reply will be
“I am doing just fine.”
For I know the
Spirit of Humanity
is strong in us all
Blessed Be.

Once all prayers have been offered, the circle falls silent once again. In the distance can be heard and felt a new sound… that of a lone bugler, as he slowly plays a final salute to those who gave their lives in the tragedies of September 11, 2001:

~~ The Playing of “Taps” ~~

sept-11-flag-candle.jpg

please feel free to leave a comment with your own candle and/or prayers

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