Deaf Pagan Crossroads

Not too long ago, I published a post here at the Crossroads entitled “Too Deaf? Too Pagan? Too Firewalking?” This post was written as a response to a comment which was left on yet another one of my posts here on this blog… a comment which I found to be rather interesting.

This reader was expressing some of his thoughts in regards to my post “On Being Deaf…and Pagan”, in which I talked about exactly that: what it is like to be a Deaf person in the Pagan Community, and a Pagan in the Deaf Community. Once again, allow me to quote this guy’s words:

Psychologically speaking, the response you get is the response you caused. It seems that, wherever you go, you’re pointing out your differences instead of similarities. With Pagans, you’re irritating them by saying you’re deaf and with the deaf you’re irritating them by saying you’re Pagan.

I have a pretty good feeling that you would do the same thing if you went to a meeting of deaf Pagans: you’d shove your firewalking down their throat and they’d accuse you of being “too firewalking” for their taste.

If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out. When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.

Hmmmm… interesting.

Now, I’ve always maintained a policy of allowing people to say what they wish to say about my articles, whether I agree with them or not. On occasion I might respond to a comment with my own thoughts – or allow my readers to respond by sharing their thoughts. Oftentimes I have found reading comments to be enlightening and thought-provoking.

Yes, I have some thoughts on this guy’s comment.

But I found myself more curious to discover what my readers thought.

So I wrote a new post and put it up at the Crossroads and asked my readership to tell me just what they did think about this guy’s comment. Did they think he had a good point? Did they think there is some truth to what he was saying?

This guy says

“If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out.”

I wanted to know what my readers thought. Is this is the answer? Is “blending in” the way to create those better relationships?

“When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.”

Is this in fact what happens when we point out our differences? Do people automatically make that assumption?

As I explained to my readers, whether I agree or disagree with this guy’s statements; as I said, I do find his comments… interesting. I keep looking beyond just his response to me and thinking about how this would apply in general – for example, a Deaf person in the company of hearing people. Should we keep our mouths (and hands) shut and attempt to “blend in” so people will like us better, or speak up (and sign out!) and acknowledge our differences?

I asked my readers to post their thoughts…

And they did.

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who did leave a comment. I found them all quite interesting, and enjoyed reading them.

I don’t have room to include everything that everyone said, but I would like to share some of these “enlightening and thought-provoking” comments that were left, and encourage you to go to the original post as mentioned above and read the rest of them…

So if I understand this guy correctly…

When we make an effort to express our own individuality and show ourselves for being the unique one-of-a-kind persons that we are, we are just cramming “whatever” down everyone’s throats… when in fact we should just be making an effort to conform to the status quo.

I have a problem with that…

Thanks, JD. I have a problem with it too.

I am not deaf, and do not spend time with the deaf. In fact, Osh is the only deaf person I know, and it is through her that the struggles of the deaf community have become known to me. I like Osh… she is opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. Sometimes, in fact, she seems harsh. BUT, that’s because nobody speaks their mind these days. Everybody tries to blend in, because it is easier, and more comfortable.

Awww…shucks. Thanks, Sunny – I like you too! Yup, opinionated is a good word to use in describing me… and I am definitely known for speaking my mind – which admittedly has gotten me in trouble at times. But you’re right… it is easier to just go along with the crowd. Dunno if it’s always more comfortable, but I suppose each of us must make our own choices as to what we are able and willing to deal with.

Nobody is required to ‘accept’ anything. That is the beauty of America. We all choose what we wish to believe. We support/encourage those viewpoints we wish to perpetuate. We find that in life which enriches us on a personal level.

But when confronted by a situation/belief/modus operandi that we do not find palatable, we don’t have to accept anything; we do have to tolerate it. We must because that’s the beauty of the world (universe/spirit) – that there IS difference. It is this difference that makes the world the place it is.

I don’t think I could have said it any better, Dave. I have a phrase that I use often when I am doing presentations: “Yes, I am different from you…but our differences don’t have to make any difference.”

Interesting thought… blend in… It is difficult to impossible to blend into a hearing world completely. And let’s face it, a deaf person who really tries to be hearing is then chastised or shunned by the deaf community. A pretty damn fine line, if you ask me.

Yup, Spiritwolf…too damn fine a line, if you ask me.

We have fallen into a pit of protecting our views instead of curiosity about others.

Sadly, I think you’re right, Quinn. And that’s a dangerous pit to fall into.

I don’t think he gave you or others who do the same enough credit when he said, “When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.” What happened to sharing personal information for the purpose of understanding each other?

What happened indeed, Alpo… have we turned into a society that no longer values that understanding?

I loved what my friend Gaylen Eagle had to say:

I have met you and I never felt you’ve tried to be divisive in talking about the white elephant that everyone knows is in the room.

My sentiments exactly, Gaylen. I can’t hide my deafness, and why would I want to? And since sooner or later others are going to need to know anyway, why not just be open about it and educate others, instead of tiptoeing around, refusing to acknowledge an important fact about myself simply because it might threaten someone else’s comfort level?

I never feel quite right with people until they understand my deafness. It’s such an integral part of who I am. In order to spend any quality time with me, they need to understand how I communicate..

I fully agree, Kim… I’m the same way. I think this goes hand and hand with what Alpo was saying above – that sharing is an integral part of learning to understand one another, and thus be able to effectively communicate with each other.

That comfort level was mentioned by a couple of readers, while others talked about how the way we handle our differences and present them to others plays an important role…

I think it’s entirely how one presents one’s differences…We should appreciate who we are and not feel hesitant to share that…As far as how others feel, in my own experience, I only feel bothered if I am getting the sense that the other person is telling me things in such a way that they think I would be more satisfied with my life if I practiced living the way they practice living.

I think my readers have a point here – differences are a good thing, but just as we expect others to accept our differences, we need to be accepting of theirs, and recognize that “one size does not fit all.” We must also accept that not everyone is going to feel comfortable with all the various differences in the world… we should practice tolerance, but we can’t necessarily demand acceptance.

The beauty of us as humans is that we’re diverse. I LOVE diversity and all that it means.

We live at a time when members of groups that were once marginalized are now sitting down at the table and joining those who have enjoyed privilege.

We are living at a time when self-identification is important – to let others know what and who we are, to build bridges between communities where there were once tremendous gaps, and in our diversity, find our common humanness.

Beautifully said, Kevin. Indeed, we are building bridges… and we need to continue to do so. We need to celebrate that diversity, not cringe in fear of it.

Kevin’s comment about finding our common humanness within our diversity rings a bell with something that Dave also said:

…learn how to respect and tolerate these differences of opinions. Learn how to understand that there is a divine design behind these differences.

In seeing others ‘defects’ as an interesting characteristic, we open ourselves up to the opportunity of understanding life with depth, meaning and dimension that we never thought of; that we are incapable of doing by ourselves.

And who knows – we just may find a new dimension within ourselves.

There were so many beautiful things said by so many beautiful people, all celebrating the differences that we can discover in each and every one of us. If I neglected to include your comment, know that it is not intentional… everyone had something of value to say, I simply had to make a judgment call about which comments to utilize for this post.

But in the end, I think it was Jeffrey who spoke for all of us:

Better Relationships: Superficial ones?

I think sometimes it takes sticking your neck out to voice the truths of your belief system, or simply your own being. In the case of being deaf, I highly dissuade others from being submissive to the hearing norms we are expected to work with.

Compassion must be had on both sides.

If we keep blending in, we cease to spread an awareness of evident truths and in the process nothing is shared but everything is black and white.

Life, at least in my own perspective, is about colors. Seeing things for what they are. True colors.

Better relationships, as I’ve experienced, are the ones that you can rely on to improve and expand these truths, your truths, our truths. If we did little to support how we really feel, we’d be weltering in a sea of spiritual stagnancy and the lies that abound would furthermore engulf us.

The more truth you apply to your being, the less there is the expectation of blending in and greater is the expansion of our awareness of the many colors.

I love the word compassion and the meaning it has. I may not be the most compassionate person in the world because I’ve had my own battles with the superficial, but in my sharing of my truths, sticking out, I have harvested wonderful allies of that compassion that we believe should be widespread.

Deep and down, I believe we’re already the same,..maybe some actually stick their necks out to point out how different we are because they (the normalites, the majority, the mainstream) have long forgotten that we’re really all the same.

Sleep.
Eat.
Breathe.
And yes, go to the bathroom.

We live together.
Our differences help us understand the colors of living.

There are many rays from the sun with no two alike, yet they are all derived from the same source.

I love my wife’s bumper sticker which reads:
“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

I think that could sum it up for me.

Maybe I’m too radical.
Maybe I’m too crazy.
Maybe I am.

But Hello anyway…